Quotes on Receipts
Each time we make a purchase, we are issued a scrap of paper in the form of a receipt, which includes each item we bought, the cost for each, subtotal for all and which records any discount, sales tax paid and the grand total for the transaction. Usually the retailer, restaurant or grocery store name and address are printed along the top, with date and time of the sale.
Some of us keep that receipt, others toss in the first trash can they pass, while some folks treat them with care, tucking into a purse or wallet and intent to file them later. Below are quotes about this bit of paper from our routine transactions.
“The first forms of writing emerged not for art, literature, or love, not for spiritual or liturgical purposes, but for business — all literature could be said to originate from sales receipts (sorry)” — Daniel Levitin
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“I don’t need a receipt for a doughnut. I’ll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction! We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this! I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend…’Don’t even act like I didn’t buy that doughnut! I’ve got the documentation right here! Oh, wait, it’s back home, in the file. Under d…for doughnut.'” — Mitch Hedberg
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“Congress voted for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt” — Jay Leno
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“My records are scattered. Oh dear! And tax filing day’s almost here. My receipts are all over — Some eaten by Rover. I’m destined for prison, I fear” — Madeleine Begun Kane
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“No. I wish that was making that money off of me, you could share it with me. No, no way. I want to see the receipts. From the drug dealer that I bought 30,000 worth of drugs from. I want to see the receipts.” — Whitney Houston
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“I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt” — Groucho Marx
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“It’s income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta” — Dave Barry
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“Life is like a cash register, in that every account, every thought, every deed, like every sale, is registered and recorded” — Fulton J. Sheen
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“Remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt” — Dave Barry
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“Never ask of money spent Where the spender thinks it went. Nobody was ever meant To remember or invent What he did with every cent” — Robert Frost
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Your. Debt. Is paid.
Now go live your life in a way that impressed Jesus and our Lord, that their sacrifices were not made in vain.
— John Hope Bryant (@johnhopebryant) April 4, 2021
“Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt” — Kin Hubbard
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“Applause is a receipt, not a bill” — Dale Carnegie
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“The agent never receipts his bill, puts his hat on and bows himself out. He stays around forever, not only for as long as you can write anything that anyone will buy, but as long as anyone will buy any portion of any right to anything that you ever did write. He just takes ten per cent of your life” — Raymond Chandler
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“Never guess your wife’s size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt” — Rodney Dangerfield
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“Mankind accepts good fortune as his due, but when bad occurs, he thinks it was aimed at him, done to him, a hex, a curse, a punishment by his deity for some transgression, as though his god were a petty storekeeper, counting up the day’s receipts” — Sheri S. Tepper
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“Just because the box office has that one receipt from the ticket I purchased, doesn’t mean it represents someone who liked it” — Sean Patrick Flanery
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“Do this. Don’t do that. Stay back in line. Where’s tax receipt? Fill out form. Let’s see license. Submit six copies. Exit only. No left turn. No right turn. Queue up and pay fine. Take back and get stamped. Drop dead— but first get permit” — Robert A. Heinlein
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“I used to prefer cash but I’m more and more drawn to cards because with certain cards you get the full lists which you can then pass on to your accountant so you don’t have to do the whole receipt, receipt, receipt thing as it’s all itemised” — Lemar
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“Before we give the government any more money, show us some receipts” — Jay Leno
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“Million dollar idea: print the Democratic primary ballot on CVS receipts” — Conan O’Brien
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“I used to do my own taxes. You know how you buy that gigantic sheet at Staples, add up the restaurants, clothes, and taxis and glue your receipts into the book month by month? The more money I made, the more complicated things got” — Heidi Klum
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“You go back and tell Brigham Young that I’ll give up the Lord’s money when he sends me a receipt signed by the Lord, and no sooner” — Samuel Brannan
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“I’ve always hated receipts. They remind me of little death certificates for the money that you no longer have. How depressingly morbid” — Lacey London
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