Flattering Scientists as Method of Borrowing: Twain

"Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money of them" -- Mark Twain

Speculation Dangerous When it's Affordable or Not

"There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can." -- Mark Twain

Tainted Money: Dirtied by Both You and I

"His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.'' -- Mark Twain

Mark Twain on Tax Collectors vs Tax-idermists

“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” --Mark Twain

Mark Twain Money Quote: Cash for Candor of Course

"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it." -- Mark Twain

Mark Twain: Danger in Stock Market Speculation All Year

"October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February." -- Mark Twain

Saving Money: Count to Sixty-Five Before Contributions

"Simple rules for saving money. To save half: When you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait, and count to forty. To save three-quarters, count sixty.To save it all, count sixty-five." -- Mark Twain

Friendship Endures All But Request to Lend Money

"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money." -- Mark Twain

Satisfaction in Found Money Greater than Earned

"A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way." -- Mark Twain

Opposition to Millionaires is Tentative

"I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position." -- Mark Twain